I've just been feeling like lying low and healing. I feel weak and exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. Unfortunately I am supposed to be dealing with a giant tax issue, one in which the IRS erroneously thinks I owe them $175,000. If I actually did owe them this, I would be in such deep doodoo. Anyway they are wrong, but if I don't deal with this NOW I could end up in some kind of trouble, I am sure.
So instead, I have spent the morning looking up scone recipes on the internet... and desperately searching for someplace nearby that sells Dole Whip. I discovered Dole Whip when I was in Syracuse last week for the transfer. I happened to stop at Peters Polar Parlor and bought myself a vanilla soft serve cone, and for the Sweet Man, a Dole Whip since he had the sniffles and didn't want any dairy. It's a pineapple soft serve. Its DELICIOUS. Well, he only got one bite, because after I tasted his, I ate the whole thing, threw out my vanilla cone, and contemplated going back for more. Now, back home, I cant find it anywhere!!! So, can you tell that food is my comfort thing? Cooking is also a great creative joy for me. I promised myself I couldn't bake scones today tho until I dealt with my tax duties.
Yesterday I spent the day perusing possible new egg donors. I felt like I wanted to do something proactive, to start this thing all over again. I don't know if our donor was even part of the problem, tho. This is a tough one, cause I really like her. She is intelligent and creative and looks a lot like me (25 years ago). She has donated four times, including for us. Two pregnancies, and two bfn's. No frozen embryos.
It has also been suggested that it could be a sperm issue,. Both Sweet Man and I are pretty freaked out by that possibility.
So, since I am feeling so calm and centered and able to focus on big important problems like taxes and who will be the genetic parents of my hoped for children instead of baking scones, I offer this as my brilliant, perfect solution. Scones. Scones and a cat. What could be better? (and don't say getting your taxes done and having a baby... lalala I can't hear you).
I'm so very sorry to hear this. And craptastic that you've had to deal with a tax mess too. I'm proud of you for being proactive and going forward. Scones look very yummy!
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry. BFN's suck.
ReplyDeleteDole whip, at least to me, is a Disneyland thing. They serve it there outside the Tiki Room and we always have several.
I'm so sorry about it not being successful but I feel confident that this will end up working out for you in the end. As Jesse Jackson always says, "Keep Hope Alive!" And in the meantime, enjoy those scones! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I was really, really hoping this was going to work out for you. Your coping strategies sound a lot like mine--time to start planning for the next step! I need a strategy to keep myself going. Did your doctor talk to you about doing the sperm DNA integrity test (I think that's what it's called)? That's probably what I would do if there was any suspicion of a sperm issue.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your darling kitty looks just like mine, except I suspect mine would be trying to eat those delicious looking scones. She ate one of my husband's power bars the other day wrapper and all.
I love scones and I HATE BFN's! So sorry this cycle was a bummer for you. You have a plan - stick to it! That always helped me to know what I was going to do next. Find a new donor and maybe get the swimmers checked out a little more. Maybe it just wasn't a good match up - happens in real life too not just the little dish. Hope you told the tax dudes to bite it. That's just awful!
ReplyDeleteDamn, that sucks! So sorry.
ReplyDeleteI would also suggest having immune and thrombophilia testing done. Most REs don't order this testing until after several losses or failed IVFs, but it's just blood tests and it can't hurt to be proactive. I didn't even discuss this with my RE (because I'd read about their attitude about it), I just got a recommendation for a hematologist and had it done. I told the hematologist that because of my age, I wanted him to run the tests he would run on a woman who'd had several miscarriages or failed IVFs. He agreed it was a good idea and had his staff take what seemed like 1/2 my blood. It was ALL covered by insurance. (BTW, I have a great one in the city if you can't find one locally.)
Scones and cat = awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the BFN though :( *hugs*
*iclw
I'm so sorry. We are about to go the donor egg route (with a known donor though), so I am very interested in your journey. I'm curious, might it be worthwhile to try another cycle with the same donor, since you feel such a connection to her? Also--scones and cats are two of my favorite things, and absolutely valid cheering up methods!
ReplyDeleteHi Rosie,
ReplyDeleteAs someone who also married late-ish and had a child (my 2nd) in my 40's, I applaud your courage and most of all, your "the honeymoon's not over" attitude. I'm sorry to hear that your first attempt didn't have a successful result. Don't give up on looking for the right egg donor for the two of you.
I love your earth-mama connection to baking; truly loving, nurturing, comforting and celebrating. Funnily enough, I live in England, but besides my husband's famous scones, I prefer the American version, which aren't generally cookie-cutter rounds, and come in different flavours than raisin or currant.
Good luck with your next step. I'll be following along.
Lisa (ICLW #65 - your great life)